I'm STILL in love with an inanimate object.

So, I'm re-posting this with an update as I've just returned from spending a week with the Jura, er, my dad. You see, after I talked it up so much last year, my father received one as a Christmas gift from my step-mother (who, coincidentally, gets the Most Awesome Wife Ever award for that). I thought you all should know that it lived up to the hype and I happily drank cup after perfect cup throughout my stay. Upon my return, well, I returned. To reality. To my life without the perfect, smarter-than-me, coffee machine. Which means I've returned to blundering around in the mornings all bleary-eyed and confused trying to find my way to the other side; the side where the caffeinated people live. See below for brand new coffee follies!

I'm in Love With an Inanimate Object (original post)

It's true. And I don't mean that pheromone-driven, baby talking, googly eyed kind of puppy love. I mean the serious "let's grow old together, I cannot imagine my life without you, how did I exist until now" kind of love. This is the real deal. And let's be honest, the fact that it doesn't talk is sort of a bonus.

First, let me say that I don't typically covet material things. As much as I appreciate your fancy new stereo or phone (and I have been thinking about investing in some good headphones) I would generally rather book a plane ticket than add an object to my collection if I have some money to spend. That is, until now.

I met the new object of my affection recently while visiting friends and I was done for. It was love at first sip. Let me introduce you to the Jura Capresso Coffee Center.




This, my friends, is no ordinary coffee maker. "Coffee maker" really isn't even a fair term. This is as close as you get to having your own personal barista. It wants to know things about you..."would you like your coffee strong, medium or mild this morning?" (although, for me this is an irrelevant question...are there really people out there who like weak coffee? probably. So see! Something for everyone!) It also asks what size cup you would like and what you're in the mood for. It will brew you one fine cup of crema coffee, a single or double shot of espresso, make you a latte or a cappuccino or just steam your milk a little so it doesn't cool down your coffee and all this in less that one minute! Seriously! You can also keep it loaded with two kinds of coffee (regular or decaf? espresso or something a little lighter?) AND, with the built in grinder and 64oz. water reservoir you just fill it up every now and then. This is in large part why I'm so enticed by this machine. I don't function well in the pre-coffee hours of the day and this leads me to do really stupid things that hinder my efficiency in getting said coffee into my body (see below for examples). It's a problem. I'm not proud.


So, after returning home I took to the Internet to learn more about this magical coffee genie. I knew it was pretty expensive but I was not yet prepared for my dreams to be shattered. They start at $899.00...ouch. Oh, so sad. I contemplated selling a kidney on the black market (I mean you really only need one, right?). It occurred to me though that after having a kidney removed you probably have to restrict your coffee intake so it seemed a little counter productive. Never one to be deterred, I checked out eBay and CraigsLook and I found a few used ones...even one for $350, but I didn't buy it. I kept thinking about the things I could do with the money if I had it to spend..fly to Central America, pay my booth fees into a good art show, get the new tattoo I really want...I'm sure I could go on, but you get the idea.


The reality is that I don't have $900 to blow on the best coffee machine ever or anything else frivolous. No matter how much I would love it. And the idea that $350 is a "really good deal" on a used coffee machine seems a little out of balance. So, for now, I'm stuck with my regular old coffee maker, grinding my own beans and occasionally staring blearily at the lack of coffee coming out wondering where it all went wrong.

Morning Coffee Follies

(In all instances you can picture me, in my pjs, half awake and barely functional slowly transitioning through confusion, to annoyance and eventually into laughter because I'm ridiculous).

• I neglected to grind the beans; coffee maker runs with whole beans in the filter basket yielding a slightly yellow pot of hot water.



• I remember to grind the beans but neglect to actually put them in the coffee maker yielding a perfectly clear pot of hot water.



• I remember to grind the beans and add them to the filter basket but I neglect to add water yielding...well, nothing.



• I place the carafe in the freezer...then spend several minutes trying to find it (I mean really!? that's just pathetic.)

• I grind the beans, put them in the filter basket, I add water and I push the button (yay me, right?). I walk away only to return to a cold, silent, empty machine. Because it is unplugged.

• This may be the best one yet. I add the water (after checking the plug!), open the coffee grinder, get out the beans and then proceed to pour the whole beans in to the water reservoir of the coffee maker. Know how you get those out? You have to turn the whole machine upside down over the sink and shake it. I couldn't get them all. I made coffee anyway so I would be better equipped to figure out how to get the rest of them out.

*All NEW*

• I grind the beans, I remember a filter, I fill the caraffe and press start.  I go about my business only to return and find that I neglected to actually pour the water into the machine.  Ugh.