Let me just preface this by saying this is about me, and that feels sort of selfish. But she was a whole person and there's no way I could describe her to you if you didn't know her. So instead, today, I'm writing about her impact. I hope that does a good enough job of honoring her memory...mostly I try to do that by the way I live my life. Occasionally I get it right but I know she'd cut me plenty of slack.
I don't reserve missing my friend for today. I think of her every single day, but it's funny how an anniversary brings up different thoughts and memories. On most days when she comes to mind it's in a happy memory or something that is relevant to whatever is going on. I see things that remind me of her, think of what she might say if I could talk to her, I laugh (a lot) at silly things we did. But today reminds me more of her illness. Those two years we all learned what we were really made of; we all learned how much stronger we were than we thought. That time also softened her. She was so overwhelmed with all the love and support she received that she learned to let down her guard. She told me it was the happiest she'd ever been. That's how powerful all that love was. That even as she struggled to breathe on a daily basis, even facing death and all that she would lose, she was grateful. Witnessing that changed me forever. She gave all of us the most amazing gifts. I used to say that coming home from being with her was like having an overdose of perspective. I couldn't tolerate people complaining about things that seemed trivial to me. She could though. She could sit in a hospital bed with an oxygen tube up her nose and actually care about some annoying little thing that the grocery store clerk said to me. I tried to follow her example and be more tolerant of people (if you knew her you won't miss the irony in that, lol!). I don't do a great job of it all the time, but I try. And often it works, I definitely find it more difficult to get all worked up, or even care, about the small stuff. More than that though, perspective helps me get through the tough times because I am so aware of how much worse it could be and also so aware of how many magical things there are in my life. Gratitude for all the little bits of magic helps me tip the scales away from the loss.
So, whether you knew her or not, I hope that loving her or loving someone who loved her will inspire you to honor her wishes: truly live your life, cherish what you have, make sure the people you care about know it, and take absolutely nothing for granted, not even your next easy breath. This all sounds so cliche...but we all got a very close look at how quickly it can all disappear. It's funny, when she would introduce me to people she would often say "she's my smart friend." Turns out she was the smart one; she was the teacher.
